July 30, 2010

On marriage

I've been watching a HK TV series recently. There is a theme of marriage and love that is being explored in the show.

Man was in a happy and stable marriage, with 2 children. Along came his ex-girlfriend, who still loves him. Man got swayed in his husband role and started to feel that he has owed ex-girlfriend a lot by not marrying her n not being able to be with her all the years. Man had an affair with ex-girlfriend. Wife found out and was very hurt. Man felt remorse but decided to 'be fair' to Wife since he was the one at wrong. Divorce papers signed. Man and Wife continued to be in amiable relationship. Man still cares about Wife.

Fast-forward to a few months later.

Man decided to marry ex-girlfriend. Wife has cleared her confusion about Man's infidelity and felt that she shouldn't have given up so easily and sacrifice her marriage. Moreover, there are 2 kids to think about. Wife approached Man to ask if there is a chance to salvage their marriage if she's willing to forgive him.

Man and Wife cried. Man explained his feeling for Girlfriend is 'love' but what he has with Wife is 'a solid and rich relationship' with two lovely children. He was also in a deep dilemma. In the end, he decided he had already broken his marriage vows with Wife, so he must not break his promise towards Girlfriend again. Otherwise, he would have no more credibility to his name.

===

I think Man is crap.

I think marriage is more than just love. Marriage is an institution that binds two persons in love together, that's why we make marriage vows. It is therefore, a commitment towards each other, a responsibility to keep loving each other, to say the least. An institution that has to be respected, and that's why we hold weddings in churches (presense of God) and have wedding banquets (in the presense of family and friends). We want this commitment to be acknowledged and respected by the people (and the 'Supreme Being') we love. Otherwise, why don't couples just go to KFC, order a KFC Buddy Platter meal and pronounce themselves 'husband and wife'?

So, going back to the TV... what Man should have done is to work the marriage out with Wife upon making the mistake of having an affair. He should have a commitment to love Wife even more, instead of being 'fair' to Wife. That 'fairness', to me, is just selfishness. It's self-justifying and self-fulfilling.

I believe in true love too. I believe in the possibility of meeting your 'true love' after you get married too. But, sorry, mate. No matter how true that love is, it is not more true than a marriage. Unless your marriage was a forced one, you should remember that you signed on the papers because at that point in time, you believed you found your true love. Signing the papers meant a life-time promise to honour that true love, and not falter when the 2nd true love comes along.

That's why, marriage is NOT for some people. 'Cos they cannot make up their minds and they are not steadfast enough to appreciate the institution of marriage for themselves.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:33